Monthly Archives: June 2012

following the path before me.

in light of the post below, i am excited to share a bit about where God has led me in the past 2 months…

previously, i touched on my fears of life after graduate school and that of a grown-up. little did i know how quickly the unknown would become so perfectly clear. two weeks before the end of my internship, i was told about a full-time position that would become available at that hospital. in the field of child life, after completing an internship, i would have been lucky to find an on-call/part-time job at a hospital. a full-time job would have been rare and really, super, incredibly lucky.

needless to say, i applied for the job, went through all the formal paperwork and interviews. i’d like to say that i felt confident the whole time. but i often had serious doubts, “why would they hire someone who hasn’t graduated nor any previous experience to take this position? wouldn’t they want someone more qualified? am i ready for this?” and yet, i constantly wondered about the path that God was putting in front of me, thinking that maybe this job would be the next brick…

with great anxiety the day and night before the interview, i took time to completely surrender the whole situation to the Lord. i knew that none of this was in my control. i could nail the interview or bomb it. and the result would be 100% in the hands of God. i spent all morning praying for my interview and for the plan that God had for my life. and in the end, the interview could not have gone better.

8 days later, i received a voicemail that i still have on my cell phone. it was from an HR representative offering me the job. full-time, inpatient, medical/surgical/oncology child life specialist. it was truly one of the most exciting moments of my life as i realized my dream was about to come my reality. i made phone calls, sent text messages, posted it all over Facebook. i was incredibly stoked/shocked about where God was taking my life. while all of this was amazing, it meant one big thing- i was moving to Washington. for much longer than 4 months…

during the time before my start date, i spent some quality time at home with my family and some friends.

coffee dates with L, celebration dinner with our favorite wine at our favorite Persian restaurant, farmer’s market with grams&gramps, & family adventure to a Giants game.

i graduated with my Master’s degree.

the fam at graduation. so much love!

went to the happiest place on earth.

took the trip of a lifetime with my wonderful family to the beautiful island of Kauai (which deserves a whole post of it’s own…).

unfiltered photos of the gorgeous Kauai.

and then i had to say “see you later” to my family, which was much more difficult than i anticipated. i spent some time journaling and discovered i was experiencing bittersweetness in it’s truest form. i was completely ecstatic about starting my career, yet absolutely heartbroken to be leaving my family in California. tearfully, i got on the plane to Washington and cried my eyes out on my first night back. there were a few times i questioned if this job was really worth the heartache.

i have now been “on the job” for 5 days. not only did i joyfully reconnect with my co-workers, but i have been so warmly welcomed back by nurses on multiple units, physicians, nurse managers, unit secretaries, social workers, volunteers, and even patient’s families. i had a 4-year-old sibling, that i knew from my internship, ask me if i was finished with school, i said that i was and now got to work at the hospital. the child proceeded to dance and sing “ how cool! how cool! how cool!” in the middle of the hallway. if this wasn’t proof of excitement, i don’t know what is.

duct tape welcome sign, my sweet little hospital, things from the first week of work, & my desk that my awesome co-workers decorated.

the job itself is very much like that of my internship, but with much more responsibility. the incredible team i work with is amidst a lot of transition, yet each person has so graciously made me feel 100% supported at i step into this position. i am easing into the job and all it’s responsibilities slowly, taking on one thing at a time. in each passing day, i receive confirmation that this is exactly where i’m supposed to be right now. through it all, i miss my family dearly. and i wish they, along with my friends, could all just move up here… but i continue to remind myself, this is GOD’S plan for me. not MY plan for me. i will continue to faithfully follow this path He set before me, in times that are trying and times that are exciting, because His plan is perfect. and His love is perfect. thank you, Lord.


growth in change: a post for [A Beautiful Mess]

— this past April, i had the privilege of writing for a dear friend’s blog (check it out here). this post was an honest display of my struggle with change and trusting in God’s plan. by His goodness and grace, i am excited to share the story of where God is taking me next. but first, i take time to remember where i have been. —

if you were to look through my art journal, you would find a common theme.

change.

i really don’t like it. and choose to deal with it through writing, painting, ripping paper, scribbling, painting more, ripping more magazines/paper/tape… you get it.

change means things are no longer in my own control.
and change means that i must fully put my trust in the Creator of the Universe.
and that scares me. because, well, i can’t control the Creator.

while change is inevitable, time and time again i have stood face-to-face with change, showing her my angriest face. and as a result of that, all i found was deep pain. the changes occurred, despite my efforts to stop them. at times, i felt like my heart was literally being torn in half. these changes were significant- friends getting married, graduating from college, moving to a new city, moving to a new state. and now i face the completion of my graduate program- which means redefining my identity as a student to an employee, a workin’ girl, a real adult (i think…).

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throughout all these experiences, i have been learning how to accept change with grace. i have also learned that i have serious control issues. it has become a bit of a joke among family and friends. i like being in charge and i like when things go my way. there are times when this control (or “organization”, as i like to call it) works to my advantage. but more often than not, it leads to a lifestyle of inflexibility and lots of disappointment. so, like i said, i’m also learning about grace. and as i learn about and practice grace in my own life- there is growth.

i find that the seasons can be the most beautiful example of grace and change and growth. here in the PNW, i have seen snow and ice turn into gorgeous shades of pink and yellow. as spring arrives, the trees start to bud and flowers begin to bloom. bright yellow daffodils grow wildly on the side of the freeway and tulips add sparks of color wherever i look. and the beauty of it is that the change from winter to spring is a process. these flowers did not bloom overnight. it has taken months. and there are still trees that need to blossom, flowers to open up, and vines to produce fruit. change, with grace, is a journey.

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this next change is a big one. finishing my Master’s degree and learning a style and rhythm of life that does not include papers, research, and due dates will be an adjustment. what will i do with my time? what will my new rhythm be like? where will i live and work? as i finish up my internship in Washington, i begin to search out where God might have me in the next stage of life. and saying that, is a lot easier than doing it. i feel like i am constantly asking God for His lead in my next step. then i say, “amen” and start thinking about all the things i need to do. there it goes, i loose trust in Him the minute it becomes about me and what i need to do to make things happen my way… Lord, help me.

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i vividly remember a conversation i had with Kristin a few years ago. i shared with her that i couldn’t wait until the day when i had my life, my emotions, my relationships “all together”. Kristin paused, and with the most love and grace said to me, “you will never have it ‘all together’, my dear.” and she’s absolutely right. things are always changing, growing, and adjusting. i am continually learning to show up to my life instead of being frustrated and anxious about each process. i can’t plan the next steps. i don’t know what will happen. and that.is.scary. but i know that the Creator is in control. no matter what. and for that, i truly am thankful. because let’s be honest, i am a mess. i am not in control of my own life. and i will re-learn this throughout my entire earthly existence. but by the GRACE of God, i am alive from one day to the next. i learn more about the Creator and more about myself through each situation that presents change. and invites grace. and produces growth.