thoughts on graduation: denial, then reflection, then tears

this month has been so strange… graduating in 10 days and i think i’ve felt every emotion possible.

i’ll be writing a little bit in the next week or so, to try and continue to process all that’s going on in my head. i have done some art journaling through some of this, but it has been mostly journaling. know that in art journaling: your journal is your own. write, paint, tape in pictures, or include all aspects. keep these things in mind and remember that it’s okay to journal in your art journal. the pages that you’ll see in the next week #1- have a whole lot of text and not a whole lot of art,  and #2- have been done along this process of coming to grips with reality… so bare with me :)

so here’s the story: i came back to school after spring break in denial about graduation. i actually stayed at home an extra day because i think i secretly thought i could push reality away if i tried hard enough. well, obviously that wasn’t going to work. so i made the long drive down the I5 alone, which turned out to be great. i listened to my brand new Wicked soundtrack (thanks Mom and Dad- it was one of the most incredible shows i have ever seen), and i found myself bawling my eyes out at the song “for good”. so much so, that i almost pulled the car over to try to pull myself together. but instead, i moved over to the slow lane and took some time to take in the lyrics of the song and let the tears slowly run down my cheeks… feel free to listen below:

all i could think about was the last four years. the incredible friends that i made my first year here, the great friends i have made in the last, and all those in between. people that i have had small encounters with, people that have challenged me, that have taught me, speakers that i have had the honor and pleasure of listening to, the list goes on. i suddenly became quite reflective and very emotional about leaving this place. this place that i came to 4 years ago, knowing only one or two people. this place and these people have been transformational in my life. and in the words of the song above, “who can say if i’ve been changed for the better- i do believe i have been changed for the better. but because i knew you, i have been changed for good…”

created on april 1, 2010

i want to say, “i don’t mean to get all emotional on you…”, but i have to be honest. that’s kinda where i’m at. like i said earlier, i have experienced a whole range of emotions over this thing called graduation- but for now, in this moment (and the moment on the I5) i feel… sad. i know that i will still see many of these friends after graduation. but the whole experience of college is over. and i am so thankful for every person that has been a part of that experience. so from the bottom of my heart dear friends: thank you for being you and for being a part of my life- no matter how great or small. you have made an impression upon my heart and i carry you with me.

more experiences and reflections to come…

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About kkb

i live for the Creator of the Universe and aim to honor Him in all that i do. as the contents of this blog space continually change with me, it remains to be a "outloud" journal for me to share my life with those that are near and dear to my heart. welcome to this adventure called life... View all posts by kkb

2 responses to “thoughts on graduation: denial, then reflection, then tears

  • Kenni-mom

    Dear Kristen,
    You have grown up so quickly & have experienced much in your 21 years. I love that you are taking this time to pause & acknowledge this milestone & transition. It’s a big one. It has taken a village to raise you & your sister. For that we have been truly blessed by the love & generosity of others. But Kristen, please know… Because we knew you, we have also been changed for good.

    I love you! Congratulations on this adventure called life.

    Love, mom

  • Kristin Ritzau

    Let the emotions flow! Love it! You are so loved and it has been such a joy to walk part of this journey with you. Thank you for sharing it in such an open space so we can hold it with you. May you glide through your last week knowing love, joy, celebration, and grief because this has been a great time for you.

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